How to be a bad programmer

Being a good developer is hard. So let’s talk about how to be a bad web developer!

Only learn it once

If you want to realize the function and make the function work normally, haha, is your method like this:

No contact, no thinking, and no thinking about whether it can be improved

Why? Shall I solve the problem? There is no need to repair the parts that are not damaged, right? It doesn't matter if the progress is slow, it doesn't matter, the code is unreadable or it's copied and pasted from other parts of the program, it doesn't matter if it's taken from some shady website. As long as the problem can be solved, everything will be fine.

According to this inference, our approach is: don’t read books, don’t read blogs, articles, don’t accept other people’s opinions, and don’t watch online broadcasts. Why do you need to solve this problem? Obviously your knowledge is the most suitable, and it seems that you have to do it, so... you think there is no need to waste time - once you master this knowledge, there is no need to study in depth!

By the way, you don’t need to learn a new programming language either. Groovy? Clojure? Scala? Bah, it’s all a lie! Look at those guys who only know COBOL: Aren’t they still doing well!

Don’t delve into what you learned

Well, anyway, you learned something after all. Searching for solutions on StackOverflow, I accidentally found an article by Martin Fowler that was quite fascinating, or maybe I felt it was too boring and put "The Clean Coder" on the shelf.

No matter what you learn, don’t delve into it. Yes, just follow the rigid content blindly: don’t check whether the knowledge is true or not, and don’t check whether it suits your style! Learn everything only once, dear!

Observe from different angles, and then come up with some unique insights... Why bother? Once you apply it and solve the problem, you can easily go home and play games. We'll talk about the rest later, just muddle along, okay?

Do not accept other people’s opinions and guidance

This is obvious, because...are their words necessarily correct?

You have learned how to solve this problem. And it works. That's it. Why should others question your coding methods? There is no need for you to learn other ways to solve problems!

It’s really annoying to rely on your old age and chatter endlessly, and it will also hurt our self-awareness. So don't listen to these guys.

No need to make your code readable

Think about it: why should you make your code readable? It sounds like we have to go back often to visit? Your code is already great and working, so we don't need to touch it anymore.

In addition, as far as the computer is concerned, it doesn’t care whether the code is readable or not, as long as it can run the program. Your code is not written so that other programmers can read it. In fact, it would be best if only you could read it, so that the job is yours, right?

Do not write tests

Only Loser needs tests. Testing is the epitaph of the foolish.

Please believe that your code is perfect! You never make a mistake - sometimes it's because the programming language is flawed, or it's the machine's fault.

If the code works on your machine, there's no reason why it can't run fine elsewhere, forever.

In addition to writing code, don’t do anything else

Why do you need to analyze requirements, understand the business, write tests, and learn how to deploy in places other than your own computer?

Besides, these things won’t do you any good in writing code, right? Besides wasting time, does completing these tasks help?

Don’t help others

Don’t help others: let them figure it out. Maybe they'll ask you how you solved what they see as a problem, but why should you bother? It's done anyway, isn't it?

Also, maybe that programmer is just like you and can’t listen to other people’s suggestions: “Don’t accept other people’s opinions and guidance”, haven’t you forgotten it?

Helping others is not only time-consuming, but also makes you doubt your own knowledge and abilities, which should not happen. Therefore, everyone should sweep the snow in front of their own door and don't worry about the frost on other people's tiles.

Conclusion

Master all the above tips and you will successfully become a bad developer. A terrible but comfortable developer. Don't thank me!

Cheers to this!

…

Hey, you said you don’t want to be a bad developer?

Okay, but first, let me tell you solemnly that this road will definitely be difficult, please be mentally prepared:

The above tips on how to become a "bad developer" are completely reversed. Yes, I mean everything, every one!

Reflect and self-criticize regularly: Is this effective? Why does it work? Why doesn't it work? Is there any possibility of improvement? The thinking process may be overwhelming, but it will also allow you to make continuous progress.

Read "The Clean Coder" by Robert C. Martin. This is not a sales pitch. If you're interested in becoming a truly professional developer, rather than a terrible one, it's definitely worth every penny you spend.

Okay, let’s start towards the goal now!

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